The Empty Gun

Well here's the poem I mentioned in my first post (that you'd know if you'd read it - I mean you, Rish). I worked quite a lot on it until I got frustrated and could stand the mention of the word 'improve' (as is dictated in the poet charter). Well I've reproduced it here so I'd be rather obliged if someone ( i.e ; anyone, as I want to get feedback pertaining to such poetry) has anything at all to say that could help me improve on my litterati. Here goes -

Empty Gun

An empty gun,
Like an empty promise
Can do much to decieve.
Never too early to use one,
Never to late to recieve.

The woman who I loved once,
Was at the balcony, creeping
When I saw her go.
Moving silently, cautiously,
Moving oh-so slow

The mellow tone of my voice
took on a threatening pitch
"What do you think you're doing now with those trunks at your side ?
Leaving me, is it ?
Then also leave my money inside."

She seemed rather startled
And she quietly looked below
A case lay beside her, and without a doubt
In her haste and hurried work,
Few money notes were sticking out.

Caught off-guard, she wasn't going down
Drew out a blade at once.
The girl had prepared for it.......
An expert of the martial arts.
A melee - she wasn't scared of it.

I was a cautious person too.
A lone man in a huge mansion needs security.
Took out a pistol from my pocket
Light-It wasn't bullets, an empty gun.
But I could still butt it throw or sock it.

No, she would kill me before that -
An empty gun,
I need to use it but how ?
Then a thought slowly crept within...
What she doesn't know could hurt her now.

An empty gun, like an empty mind
Is a very dangerous thing.
Deemed by most as devoid of uses,
It can give the upper hand
In the deadliest of deuces.

"Now leave the money right there
and just back off, OK ?"
Said I, and pointed the gun to her head.
"I don't want it messy.
Go away now" I said.

She was shocked to see my weapon
Her eyes betrayed her calm face.
"I-I'm leaving you ___ and I'm taking some money as well"
"You're stealing, you damn thief !" I cut in.
That made her as mad as hell.

She threw her dagger at me,
With all her might but little aim.
It missed me by a mile.
"Ha !" I laughed out
"You're all mine now" I said with a smile.

I still pointed the gun at her
And advanced with delicate steps.
Stopped when I was a few feet
away, and the gun inches from her.
She would still not make a retreat.

She started backing out now
with slow and trembling steps.
"Don't kill me" she cried.
Still with valise in hand,
she fell over the balcony and died.


I called the ambulance
much later than I called the cops.
I had enough money to handle both -
Enough for the police to mishandle evidence,
Ample for the diener to renounce the doctoral oath.

An empty gun like an fallen ganglord,
Can still hold much power.
Power that is still immense.
Power to turn the tables,
power to influence......

I pondered much later,
the events of the day.
The mode of death the girl deserved, she got.....
And then slightly satisfied -
Atleast my gun didn't have to waste a shot.

There. It's a little long isn't it ?( like most of my other poems). Do comment if you like it, and suggest alternatives if you don't - even if the post becomes dated. C'mon - please.

Anything is welcome as long is it is not an indication of the reader's imbecility.


Quicksilver said...

Its time for some comprehension questions now -

Q1 How is the empty gun compared to

a)Empty promise ?

b)Empty mind ?

c)Fallen ganglord ?

Q2 How does the poet's lover meet her end ?

Q3 What moral is learnt from the given poem ?

Q4 'Introduction of these questions are fiendish ways to ruin all the fun'. Comment.

Anirudh Garg said...

Ans. 4
i cudnt have agreed more :|

hey this rhymes...even i cn be a poet :P

anyway....gr8 poem...xclap

Quicksilver said...

Thanks, it feels nice to be appreciated.

btw, what does 'xclap' mean ?
Forgive me and my poor internet lingo.

Quicksilver said...

Yeah, you can be poet.But you need to work on your theme.
I came across this - uh...poem somewhere :

"there was a cat....
sittin on a mat....
looking around for a rat....
a rat thats fat....
he finds the rat....
and he hits it with the bat....
and then he eats the rat....
how is that???? :D"

The poem spoke to me.
it told me the poets a bit senile


BlackCatJumper said...

wow .. you write so well .. *impressed* .. was just lookin around and your blog is way 2 gud ..

Shitij said...

Brilliant poem.

A grammatical mistake somewhere, but that's it. Superb Job.

Might wanna divulge your name though, I couldn't find it anywhere.

P.S. 'xclap' is an expression for clapping.

Anirudh Garg said...

@ kriti

u tokin abt my poem, right?? :P :P

@ abhinav
ya...xclap is an emoticon for clapping...much like *clap*

@ shitij

he's abhinav
not abhinav venkatraman
abhinav menon

Shitij said...

Haha okay. :)

Who's Abhinav Menon again? :P

Anirudh Garg said...

well he is a guy who likes to keep his talent and himself hidden :|

anyway..he's "in medical section"..11th...pretty talented at writing...anyway...y m i bothering to introduce him..
abhinav do it urself...

till he does..check out my new post :D
u mite hv seen sum/all of the pics pehle...comments are welcome again anyway :D

Shitij said...

Haha point. Does keep himself a bit er.. hidden, yup.


Quicksilver said...

Well shitij you may remember me as the pokemon guy, who I think you first met at Tejas' place.

Kriti would remember me (or probably not) as the boy who accompanied her at the stairs at 'chhuti-time' when we were juniors at vasant vihar.

Quicksilver said...

Shitij, I'm not sure why I remember this, but when we exchanged cards (PM) you said, "don't tell anyone I made that trade - and I, "Same here"

Shitij said...

Christ I actually remembered that :O


Yeah well :P
You still have your pokemon cards? Haha :P

Shitij said...

Oh, and I said that 'cause then someone might have convinced you to undo the trade, haha :P

Anirudh Garg said...

abhinav still goes up to class 7th,8th nad 9th students adn asks dem if any of them still plays with pokemon cards...
dey just laugh at him


Quicksilver said...

And that's supposed to sound funny ??


Quicksilver said...

I may be a pretty sad case when certain things are concerned, but atleast I don't write jokes in base 13 !

Shitij said...

Base 13? O_o

Quicksilver said...

well, base 13 jokes would be complex, hard to understand and therefore not funny.

The joke I made in the previous comment was all these things but it wouldn't still qualify as a base 13 joke.
I'd say its er... base 11 or something.

Anirudh Garg said...

and now THAT is soooo funny :|

Quicksilver said...

Yes it is, isn't it ?
Finally you've got yourself a sense of humour.

Anirudh Garg said...

but u still havent been able to get yourself sum brains...considering u dun get da meaning of sarcasm

Quicksilver said...

Oh contraire, mon fraire !

- It's you who didn't get the sarcasm -

Did you really think anybody would honestly say that you have a sense of humour ?

Quicksilver said...

And Anirudh, you sure have novel ways of typing down 'and' - nad & adn !
(third comment from here)

Adny ! yoose spell-cheque !!

Espèra said...

Abhinav Menon, 11- ? A,B, C?

Nice poem that you have there. I don't consider myself much of a poet. I have written one or two. I post them only if I think they are really good. Which is rare. Because I don't write poems.

Ans4: Introduction of these questions are fiendish ways to ruin the fun. I agree wholeheartedly.

About the poem: At places, it seemed like you had forced in rhyming. If this poem had been written without a rhyme scheme, as in blank verses, it would have probably had a better effect. And perhaps, you could have kept the emptiness of the gun a secret that you divulge right around the end of the poem.
Would you like to read a poem I wrote (and I like, for a change)?