The Cure for Insomnia

Though I've just passed 11th standard and have a whole year ahead of me in school, I can't help but muse about the farewell. What I feel can be described as a goulash of regret and pseudo-nostalgia about the inevitability of it all. There must be a word for it because it's such a common feeling, atleast it is for me. It's sort of like nostalgia about the future or things that haven't yet finished. Like wasting your life by worrying about death. Pointless, but hard to push back.

Last night, I made up a dialogue of sorts,lying in my bed not feeling sleepy enough to nod off. You may draw any kind of inference you wish to, but it's better if you don't and just well, try to live it.

BOY: (walking upto GIRL, throwing his best smile) Would you care to walk with me?

GIRL: Uh-uh, okay.

BOY: The Farewell. Usually a depressing occasion isn't it?

GIRL: ...

BOY: (waving his glass in the general direction of the school building) The institution. Friends. Teachers. Gonna miss it all. Gonna regret things you never did. Regert things you never said. Is there something you'll regret that you never did?

GIRL: ahhh...

BOY: Well, there is something of that kind for me.

GIRL: What?

BOY: I know this is the worst time to do it, this being the farewell and all; But I just have to do it, you know?
Listen.I've had a crush on you for like 4 years and well, I could never tell you because (throws up hands in the air) I don't know.Well, I've said it now and you have four general options before you.
(walking around the girl in a very dramatic manner) Option A is 'I hate and you I never want to see you again, go drown yourself'

GIRL: (laughs)

BOY: Well then (laughs). Option B is 'I like you but I don't think it'll work between us'
Now option C is 'I've always loved you and now I love you even more and can't wait to throw myself into your open arms'. Remember that's option C.
(still walking) And option D is 'I think I need some time to think this over. Talk to me in a week'

GIRL: ....

BOY: So?

GIRL: This is so awkward.. Well I'll have to say, option

She could either make it rhyme or make it lyrical.

I stopped thinking after that. The result doesn't matter really. What matters is the boy got that off his chest.

Don't ponder over that much. It's drivel. Instead listen to the nice, jumpy and optimistic song 'New Shoes' by Paolo Nutini.


Anirudh Garg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Quicksilver said...


Espèra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Manmeet Singh said...

really emotional.

was the boy trying to play...
"Who wants to be a millionaire??"

Trust me, these options-thing doesn't work in such cases.

Manmeet Singh said...

and man,you've been outta blogging scenario for long.
whats keeping you busy??

aditi said...

the girl laughed didn't she? hmm.. maybe she was going to say it could not work ... but too filmy ,...wait for the 12th to start...

Anuj said...

You know something I tried something like this once. In my mind it was supposed to work out like this, but I just couldn't get the words out. Needless to say she rejected me.

I am said...

i kept smiling.
i love it.
the way it is said, i'd love to be the girl.
no, truly.
awesomely romantic for me!

Asneel said...

After thinking about nothing else for an entire day,
i finally got what you meant when you wrote 'She could either make it rhyme or make it lyrical'
You meant 'Well I'll have to say option A/Option C' , right?
Nice original writing style really.

Plan to pull off something of that kind?

Anirudh Garg said...

well 1st of all sorry for dat "how touchy" shit
at dat time ur post was blank...prolly it srsly was blank and or prolly sum flaw in

so neway

gr8 post
i dun knw if u wrote this whole thing with someone or something in ur mind
but there was 1 thing i cud very easily relate to in the post

da feeling abt farewell

although its pure nostalgia for me...but it has already started taking its toll
it feels so weird....
i hv seen da same face and da same corridors for 14 years....will feel so weird to leave all of it behind...
we hv got jst wat...6-7 mnths of skool
and den its over man
da biggest part of our life is over
shit man....

Mystique said...

@ espera: WHAT??

anyway. farewell would mean nostalgia tears etc na? nada, zilch. I just had too much fun at my own farewell. I don't think i'll ever get all senti about my school....dunno why though. i love that place.

jihad said...

senti crappyness. You're a sappy, swampy fellow aren't you?

Quicksilver said...

Quicksilver -


Espera -

No, on the night of Farewell. Well then, did you execute what you wanted to? =)
Btw, will you um..explain the 2nd part of your comment? Is that what you're going to say when you execute that plan of yours?

Manmeet -

I don't know.. something of that kind might work IF you have the charisma to pull it off.

Manmeet -

Hello again :D.
What do you think? exams, man.

Some people pretend to be serious about exams like I do.

Aditi -

I couldn't say...I stopped thinking. Yes, it is rather filmy really.

Anuj -

You did something of that kind in Access, didn't you. I envy how bold some people can be, actually. How do you guys do it?

I am -

I kept smiling through your comment, thanks :)

Asneel -

Thank you thank you, you're just the right amount of kind.
Pulling something off of that magnitude, not in the near future, no.

Ani -

Or Prolly it was because I banged 'Enter' straight after typing in the title! :)


You and probably everyone we know feel the same way about it...well put. But what scares me is not that my life is over but that we have to do something about it since it's only beginning.

Mystique -

Maybe when you're in the thick of things, you forget what lies ahead and just start living.

jihad -

You. I thought you were dead or something.
Crappyness, granted, but its far from being sentimental.
Sappy, sometimes; Swampy, i think not.


And nobody even commented how awesome New Shoes is. Hmph.

Espèra said...

Mysty: Oh. Well. Tell you when I meet you online next.

Lemon/Melon: Mais oui. That it is. Haven't yet executed though. I'm a reactionist kinda person. I'll say it to the face just to see the reaction. :P

Don't think I'm evil cuz of that, okay?

Anirudh Garg said...


well den ur da ass
in fact even da title was wrong :|

Pulzkit said...

its quite difficult to not draw an inference. The way I see it, This thought couldn't enter your mind if there isn't a similar situation in your life.

Off topic : Pre-college dating in India will never, ever work. The people in it will be too busy hiding it from their parents and giving enough time to their "same-sex" friends to actually get to know each other. Atleast thats how it is in our school.

Manmeet Singh said...

@Quicksilver (Pt.I)
this charisma and charm works only in bollywood's so-called "romantic" flicks which are especially meant for emotional fools.

@Quicksilver (Pt.II)
Yeah,I'm also trying to act busy with my boards by not posting anything, but actually,I ain't that busy and I'm not posting coz I'm in no mood,but still I'll try.

Quicksilver said...

Espera -
Well, okay.
And I see you've once again resorted to replacing my name for that of two similar sounding fruits. After all the Biswas I had in you...Tch tch. But it is exceedingly, disarmingly witty. A stroke of genius.

Anirudh -
I suppose everyone can't be as perfect as you are, can they. Pardon me, will ya?

Also I see conformity at work. Good job, Ani! I knew you had it in you.

Pulzkit -
No, no, whatever gave you that idea? :D
Replying to your "off-topic comment" (which by the way isn't very off-topic), i'll just say it isn't my area of expertise.

Manmeet -
Art is, after all an imitation of life (though even the most lenient critic wouldn't call something like RNBDJ art). And don't refer to emotional people as fools. I'm one and so are you, if we go by what your profile says.

Manmeet -
I can't understand. Use full stops. Like so.

Espèra said...

Sigh. I've heard better jokes. One of them includes renaming me "Bakwas".

Quicksilver said...

Woah. wish I'd thought of that, LOL.

Praneet said...

awesome story man......nd the stories r best when ya dont knw the end....cauze they keep on ringing in ur head for a longer time then......

nd ya right after farewell we r all gonna miss the school a lot nd all those ppl we knw......though well be all in touch wont be same......never had guessed the end of this gr8 era would come so soon.....

Quicksilver said...

Well said, man. Seriously.

Anuj said...

Look being bold for the sake of being bold isn't being bold, you know?

I am decidedly asexual and I wasn't attracted to the access chick, sure she looked nice, but that was it. I did those antics in order to gain acceptance with my peer group which didn't work as it just thrusted me me in a position which hurt a human being. I mean, what was I thinking?

I was struggling with defining myself recently and I realized how shallow these things are really. Sure they make the time go by faster, but at the end of the day what's the net gain? Nothing. I hate that chick now, not for the fact that she rejected me, but for the fact that I thought I could gain something out of her that way. She's a nice person, but really I wasted our time, and I hate us for that.

So at the end of the day the key to the cure for insomnia is self acceptance and the realization that you are who you are and asking someone out isn't going to change that. So why not make a better tomorrow than begging in front of someone?

Peace out mate,

Quicksilver said...

Listen to me Anuj, read whatever that follows bearing in mind that I am someone who greatly admires you.

look. Whatever be your principles and methods in life, don't forget that you're a young boy. True, your mental age exceeds your chronological age but you make it seem as if it's some sort of a grave disadvantage. Stop analyzing life, my friend. You'll get along just as fine if you had no shackling principles to hold you in a state of perpetual musing and self-pity. Remember, you're a kid and you should do what kids do generally. It may seem fake, plastic or unnecessary but putting things into perspective would help - It doesn't matter as long as you're happy with yourself and those around you.
Reading your last post was the last straw, I had to tell you this, you're killing yourself man. Stop it. Stop trying to give yourself an inflexible and "unique" identity.
One day when you're older, you'll look back to your own childhood and cringe. Don't let that happen.